Now Its: Eat to Live...

More changes...well not really. Lets just say as part of my schooling reading Eat To Live by Joel Fuhrman is my current read. I decided to give it a try for educational purposes, research, guinea pigging myself, etc. What have I got to loose? HAHAHA!!!!*laughs hysterically. Ok, 30 lbs. Hey, its better than last year at this time I needed to loose 40 lbs. I'm doing some things right, but you know, just not enough.

In fact I'm nervous. I finally followed thru submitting the second hair hair sample for analysis. I have to admit I'm afraid. My nurse friend, we'll call her Mrs. Tomuchschool, will tell me I haven't improved, or I've gotten worse. I didn't go to church today, (reasons hinted at below) and she probably has my report. The first report nearly killed me!

 Truth be told, I'm still not feeling well. Better; lots better, but not really well.

1) My legs swell randomly - recently really bad; I could feel my ankles jiggle when I walked.

2) I still get so extremely winded

3) My heart beat in my ears is still there at times.

4) Oh, and looking at some photos of myself last night of our get-a-way last week...I swear I look like Hillary, without the make up! Shoot, now you know what I look like!  My eyes are so stinking puffy!

5) I still have trouble getting this weight off in spite of cleansing and elimination improvement.

6) I'm still tired

7) Now, this is a bummer: I'm skipping periods (cleansing?) and while I didn't skip this month it's back with a vengeance!

Thought I would make a list, again, do the diet, again and see if there are any changes, again...remember the Prime? Gosh I was so psyched over that, now I'm just "over that".

So, tomorrow morning, a Monday, I begin Eating To Live. The 6 weeks vegan challenge.
I'm not going to tell anyone. I'm just going to do it, and see if there are any changes for the better or worse, would I recommend this to a friend, would I dare to bully my mom into doing this, would I beg my husband to give this a try, would I try and work this into the family menu...

It's an experiment. And all I have to do is eat more fruit and veggies...or not.

Dr. Christopher's 3 Day Cleanse

I live to write about it! In fact as I write I am on my 3rd cleanse.

The instructions are all over the internet or you can get a copy of the 3 Day Cleanse book which I found great to have on hand as there's a lot of really good information in the booklet.
Herbs First  and The Herb Shop are just a few places to go for the book and herbs.

The following is an outline of a few things that went on as a newbie.

My first apple juice cleanse:

Day1~

• Some pains under right rib 
• In flight to the lady's room every time I drink anything -Details omitted
  
• Slight headache increasing toward evening to a bad one - it left when I remained perfectly still, so I was able to go to sleep.
• Towards evening a growing thunderstorm in my belly
• Completely missed my period

Day 2~

• Lost 4lbs- yik! a lot of junk.
• Color of BMs turning yellow and very loose (sorry , but I thought this was notable enough to mention)
• Felt very tired and heavy
• Rested as often as I could
• Started aching in my upper thigh and hip muscles

Day 3~

• The pain and discomfort in my hips and thigh muscles was almost unbearable! It kept me from sleeping. The only thing that gave me relief was some Tiger Balm...Sen Sei would have been nice but I didn't have any. The Epson salt soak felt nice and probably did me good but as soon as I cooled off the pain was right back...some good detoxing going on I suppose.
• Thunderstorm in belly continues.
• Headaches not so bad
• Not a lot of energy - I did loose quite a bit of sleep from the aches and pains.

Day 4 and after ~

• Lost 6 lbs of accumulation of water and junk
• First meal was 1 apple, 3 dried figs, and soaked almonds chopped together. Yummy (this has become a staple)
• Every day making an effort to eat right and keep up the herbal routine. Didn't do so hot...
• The pain in my lower trunk continued for 3 more days after the cleanse.
• A lighter feeling

The second cleanse I did was with apple juice as well, but I used distilled water. Distilled water is a hungry water and I imagine ideal for pulling to it all toxins, mucus, and other collections of crud out of the system. Come on clean lymph!

There was no pain whatsoever in this round. But the thunderstorms in my belly began to feel and sound like hurricanes! I got a clue after a while to take 2 of the Lower Bowel formula and the storm was gone in less than a half hour!

I gained most of the weight back and my ankles swelled worse every day sometimes even before noon. I'm certain that it was all water.

I wonder tho: I  started, stopped, started and completely stopped my cycle in the matter of 3 days. Going to change the cleanse date further from my cycle. Not sure why this happens. This cleanse is actually high in calories, so it's not like I'm starving myself.


The third cleanse (starting today) I'm trying out the carrot juice. I really thought it would be disgusting but so far it's really pleasant. Clean and fresh tasting - "chewing" my juice like a good girl. It looks like I'll need to juice 10 to 15lbs of carrots to get a gallon of juice per day. Whoa, this is going to get expensive...

I do feel so in control about the cleansing project, a little proud of myself, and this time I have a buddy! Christian decided to join me. He's using apple juice. Poor guy had to work today, but when he gets back I plan on helping him with a salt scrub and a castor oil fomentation.

I have been on the extended (Lower Bowel, Liver, Kidney, and Red Clover formulas) part of the cleanse for about 2 months now. I have committed to the mucusless diet (don't call me a vegan tho!), and making slow progress - dairy and eggs seemed easy enough to let go of then suddenly sugar and bread became a problem!! Well, I'll admit I have been struggling with energy (not sleeping well and tired, I tend to do that) and too many hormonal days - enter Hormonal Changeas!

 So, here I'm now noticing a few important things:

1. I never thought I would be able to eliminate 3x a day, and most of the time I do! In fact I am cutting down, very slowly, on how much LB I was taking. This is great news!
2. Where the swelling in my legs was getting worse it's now improving greatly.
3. I'm able to increase my cayenne intake to 1/2 tsp 2x a day...big step for me - working on that 3rd dose.
4. Still keeping away from coffee!
5. My weight has been dropping the last few days with out fasting. Is this a trend or fluke? 

So that about covers it for the cleansing at this point. I feel like a nap anyhow.

I'm A Student!

A student enrolled in the School of Natural Healing!

A new deal for me and at first very frightening! I've never taken any courses before that were tested! I was home schooled and, well, I did get my GED - don't scoff at that! But that was when I was young and before coffee.

So, what do I think.
 I have a few thoughts bouncing around in my head as I study on my Family Herbal course.

I have to say I am not convinced about the mucusless diet...heresy? Well, how can I say that when I haven't tried it! I am very happy about the encouragement and emphasis on a good clean, even vegetarian diet. I totally agree on so many aspects of the diet...you know, I think I shouldn't give my opinion until I've given it a go. Which by the way was supposed to be this week and my heart just wasn't into the 3 day fast yet. Not with ripe avocados and arugula needing to be chewed and savored. I'll wait until all my favs are put away...

My other thoughts? Some of the notions of disease causes are hard for me to wrap my head around. Is it because it is an old book? Why would I put more trust in more modern methods, except discoveries and studies are being made all the time. Would I find a few pits in every cherry pie I choose? Oh, gosh I can't imaging taking a collage course.

Besides a few pauses I absolutely love the herbal formulas and find them completely understandable. I've ordered a pile of herbs seeds to do my own harvesting. I'm enjoying the first book, "Herbal Home Health Care". I'm really excited to dig into the "Herbs to the Rescue" book. I purchased many other books that are being used in these master herbalist courses. I'll be able to get into them later either on my own or actually as a master herbalist student! I'll just see where this takes me.

So thankful for this time in my life. Comfortable, secure, in plenty. No wretched longing or resentment. No sadness and betrayal...just to mention a few blocked emotions recently released. I tell you I have never felt so content in my life. I worked so hard to be where I am now...and how futile my struggle was to get here, how every path "I " choose was the hard one! I actually can't say I got myself here at all, because the beat it all, storm it all, tear it all away girl was paddling up stream the whole way. When did I let go and take the current? I guess the wind needed to get knocked out of me. I kind of got discouraged the other day, " What do I want?", to Christian, " The angry, get it done, raging Me? Or the peaceful, smiling, tired alot, living in pigpen Me..." You know which one he was happy to be living with! That actually made me feel better.

Cool thing is: I actually can pursue a life long dream, or at least take that first hesitant step toward becoming a Master Herbalist. My children are part of my this, my husband is part of it, I'm not struggling or striving...

I say all this with complete awareness that tomorrow all could change...
I'm just so grateful for what I was able to see, learn, feel, enjoy, eat, love today.

So Who Wants To Be A Hermit?

This has been an off and on conversation discussed by Christian and I over our whole marriage.
To be a recluse, to hole back in the mountains somewhere (Idaho, Alaska, Puerto Rico anyone?) with no one in the way or questioning our lifestyle. Welcome hard work, welcome unconventional means of housing. Reject standards set by fear mongers, reject the clock. The whole world be gone!

We've shared this fantasy over and over. Both of our parents practiced this ideal pridefully and passed it along to the next generation. I actually felt like I failed my father because in my married life I could see my neighbors - in his eyes I felt like I let him down and didn't keep proper hermit standards.

I know of recluses that are right in the middle of bustling neighborhoods too, so it must be a personality issue. A personality issue that I struggle within myself and dislike about myself. No matter where, it's the idea of shutting people out for some reason or another.
I don't have any problem with the people who are painfully shy and backward, I'm talking about the people who like to call themselves hermits and are proud of it!

Naturally I have a few (really, girlie, a few?)  choice words to say about this. This self imposed isolation creates selfish and egocentrical behavior. Trust me I'm an authority on this subject. I have spent hours justifying my community minded actions, conjuring up reasons why we still live where we can see our neighbors (actually properly put: where our neighbors can see us), etc. I feel very critical about this mindset, period. Yet I believe everyone should have the right to live the life they please...so where am I ? Especially to criticize?

It was a point of contention and shame growing up: everyone thought my parents had something to hide. I flipped between wanting to just be like everyone else and proud to be different. I was sad that when people got together or needed help, my parents were no where around. When I let go of hoping my parents would fit in, I hung on to my fierce pride: being a solitudinarian as the highest standard. Danged if you do and danged if you don't.

I started out a few weeks ago on the rampage to write this scathing rant against hermitism. Now I just feel sad about it. I feel sad because it has affected my family on both sides. My children are affected as well. No one at this point has any desire to make any sacrifice for them besides myself and their father. I don't even feel like preaching my sermon. I just feel like: good, go hide. Live and let live. I can't justify my criticism, I have no room to speak, and on top of it all maybe I am jealous.

But I want to be part of a community more. I like being part of a team, not just family members. They need me and I need them.
Being a hermit isn't for me and mine, No man is an island...that's my story, in spite of myself.

What I Want to Be When I grow Up...

I have always had many irons in the fire. A point of pride. Until I turned 45 and my mind forcibly slowed down, before or after my body did who knows, who cares, I'd go from wanting to be a opera singer to mechanic in a relative short period of time. I didn't understand until I became very much older, say 45, that I didn't fail lifelong aspirations. After all I did not, obviously, become a mechanic neither an opera singer, nor the other 20 things I wanted to be. It's just for a very short or prolonged period of time I had a passionate cause I believed in which everyone, including myself, must become more enlightened and therefore a better person by knowing all there was to know about said current obsession.

I have had 2 passions that have outlived all others. I have suppressed them in all sorts of ways. For honorable causes such as raising God fearing, decent citizens and simple laziness. The very fact that when we fall in love with a subject, absorb all we can, become novices; suddenly we...I realized I, only understand a fraction of what I want to know! How frustrating for someone already strung out too thinly, way to much on the plate and way too many needy ones about. Too much work to learn anything more than what an armchair quarterback can offer. There even have been times I thought, embarrassingly, that that was enough to constitute me offering my opinion on the subject, only to seriously fall short and flat on my face as a know-it-all knowing nothing...

I want to be...

 #1. a writer. That is going to take a lot of work and way more practice than I've committed to in the past. I finally finished a book...in my head. Don't worry I have been taking notes. In time it will work out. And it won't be written in a houseboat floating down the Amazon. I fear that would be too distracting. And, I conclude, I would be missing out on grandchildren. And seriously getting down and making myself type right - that would be a wonderful skill to master....uuuugh!

#2. A alternative medicine practitioner. I can't get away from wanting to help people feel better. It's so important to me that I myself feels better, you should too. I want to say and do something for you - if you wanted me to. I have so many friends that suffer from issues and it makes me almost want to have that problem just to find out how to overcome it!

"Become a Faster EFT Practitioner" "Become an Energy Healer" yadda yadda yadda. Or more down to to earth how about going back to what I wanted to do before my babies were born: A master herbalist.

At the library I pulled Dr. Christopher's Every Woman's Herbal off the shelf for the 3rd time. At the back I "saw" for the first time: Dr. Christopher's School of Natural Healing. Really! I looked it up and it's a total can-do for me! I am so excited. I found a blog writer who actually offers $100 off for signing up using her affiliate link. I even have the blessings of Christian!

Oh, I know. Its a baby steps thing and maybe Master Herbalist is too far down the road at this point to talk about. But to actually start, oh, my. I already have 3 of his books!

As I go along I can get sidetracked after the Family Herbalist course (beginner) and grab a course in Reflexology, and or Iridology (while I love the idea I don't see myself there in that one) or Aromatherapy!!! (that is something I could get started on).

So this winter, during hibernation time I hope to get started on my way to be a Master Herbalist, well at least a Family Herbalist. I should blog about it, even just for the writing practice. After all I am a bit more grown up this year.

Hanging In There On The Prime

 I found this unpublished from a few months ago:

Every new health book I read red alert alarms go off if Christian spots me. I have to stick with this for a year, he says. OK OK I agree, I'm just educating myself further. Like if you are as equally ignorant and obsessed with the microbiome as me you will be reading Eat Dirt by Dr. Josh Axe . I've seen him on a few youtube videos on the subject. For a dramatic country girl like me, who couldn't pass it up for the sake of the title alone, this is more than reseeding my gut - my brain is sprouting under this read. I'll admit I'm beginning to embarrass myself by my book selection from the library. As I am about to decide if this or that is a book for me I mentally carry myself thru the check-out and Soft-Spoken's gentle smile: was she wondering why with all the books I read on health was I still so fat? Oh, I got sidetracked...3rd stage of The Prime.

Changes Observed.

• People think I've lost weight. I shout, YES!!! 3lbs.
• Cravings down 57% (intuitive number )
• Energy picking up at last - ever so slightly
• Hunger pains are in a different place- for what ever that means
• Swelling in legs and ankles 50% improvement
• The #2 bathroom trip is sometimes twice a day, no less than once. 100% improvement

What I still struggle with:

• Consistent weight loss (up down up down)
• Scale obsession
• Puffiness under eyes
• Slowing down
• Deep Breathing
• Fatigue

Since I last wrote I had a hair analysis done. Now, I've done it all *smile*
Adrenal Insufficiency
Anemia
Anxiety
Depression
Fatigue
Glucose Intolerance
Inflammation
Kidney Stress
Liver Stress
Life Expectancy 2 weeks...a closer look proved that one wrong but only after the meltdown and then letting Christian read the report.

Lets tie some stuff together.

1. The Prime says slow down and rest
2. Quiz from the Eat Dirt story reports: Stressed Gut
3. Hair Analyses emphatically specify that none of my imbalances will heal unless I get my stress under control.

It looks like after all the energy work I did last winter I still haven't gotten the victory on my stress. This is the hard part for me. I can drink down some pretty foul tasting herbs and vitamins, forgo the sweet treats and flour dainties but I'm not letting go of the stress. I'm going to have to do some real soul searching. This is disappointing I thought I had a better grip. Mental imbalance. Oh, that was obvious!
There are a few huge factors that recently transpired in our family that we felt would make a big difference: As a family and home business we are out of debt as of 3 weeks ago. I no longer have to help support the family income. But when I made the public announcement, I feel like I shut down, went numb. Shouldn't that  have fixed it all? Something obvious is not coming together in my mind.

It's sad too, when Christain expressed the hope that it would be the magic word that would lift me out of my fog. I feel like I've failed him that way. Alleviate a stress only to exchange it for another...

Letting Go Of Structure, Can I?

Things that make me feel loose and disjointed:

• Unplanned mealtimes - eat when you are hungry
• Waking up when you are done sleeping - anywhere from 6 til noon
• Going to bed when you want to, not need to
• Not having a list of things to do
• Not being on a carefully planned diet
• No schedule

This stuff makes me feel out of order.
What is wrong with that?
These things make me feel loose and disjointed, I said that already.
These words also mean: unbound, free, loosened, unrestrained...
They also bring on feelings like: out of control, falling off the edge, disorganized, chaotic, and heaven forbid, messy.

Yes, my house is messy. Everything sits half done. Nothing really crazily out of order, except my mind needs pulling together. Like I'm missing, or lost a few screws upstairs.

I have to say I really like a schedule. I like restriction, to a point. I think it's because I love order and progress, and getting things done was my motto for years.

I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Christain He's like this when he has time off, or sometimes even when does have a job in line. He acts like there is:

• no clock
• no set plan
• no one waiting on him
• nothing unless he decides to

Completely irritating.

I feel like I'm tasting a food I've never tried before, actually one I've always scorned.
I don't want to be narrow minded and not like it because of my belief system that would never allow such a way of life. I dont want to be stubborn and not have any pleasure in it. I don't want to loose a treasure.

Super Woman says, This is heresy.
My young self can't believe her eyes.
The mother says, You are not getting anything done.
The wife says, Husband will be happy.

I want to see if it is ok for me, actually try it out and on. Will it be easier, will I heal faster, does it even matter any more? Have I over rated structure and order all these years?

What I've thrived on before, the energy, the high was a trip, a fast one to this fatigue that has led to this lack of structure. Because fatigue is what it is: tired and worn out. That is how I see myself. I accidentally took a surprise photo of myself and that is just what I looked like:
This frayed, cracked overstretched rubber band that wont go back. No regeneration of cells. Breast and arm tissue, my navel, my fallen seat all sadly succumbed to the laws of gravity and lost.

The inevitable sag.

Even my chin shows where I am on my timeline, can't hide that one in some accoutrement.

Still, where or what am I? Structured or Unregulated.

Random Self Dicoveries

So, when I started this blog I had a few cool things in mind I wanted to share. I thought I'd have invaluable insights on wifdom, and motherhood that the whole world should know about. I assumed I'd find one weightloss program, lose 40 lbs and inspire everyone to follow me. I also had ideas about other health issues that plague us all and the solutions that would end dysfunction and unwellness.

But I find my need to write is not about a success story, or recipe for self improvement, but my journey of self discovery. I am perplexed by this path, I'm 45 and I thought I would have arrived by now. I want to write about the crazy things that course thru my brain like wildfire, igniting my passions and obsessions. And I want to write about the down times, thoughts resembling a dried up creek bed with stagnant pools of rusty water.

I want to write honestly and bluntly.

Slowing Down

Ok Ok Ok, it's not my style. As if potato chips and tortilla chips are.

I just really have trouble being slow. #1 reason why I forget the deep breathing and remember the rebounder. I find my self going thru my "relaxing" routine like a speed addict. Don't get me wrong I love my "Super 8". I love my bullet proof coffee, too, and I guzzle my allotment down like I want it to be over...but I don't.

I've been doing a bit of thinking since I've last posted. #1 thought is how annoying I am. Seriously, I blaze thru one thought and grab up 3 others in the wake. With great expectations and loud exclamations of "I found the answer!" I proceed to fail at them all.

NoNoNoNo! Surly I've gathered some wisdom in the fall! I tell you what, though, writing about the mess that flutters about in my brain sure makes me more aware of how flippy I am.

I should change the title of my blog. It certainly has a different direction than I set out to write about. Seems like I left my children in the ditch and fending for their own health as I mutter incessantly about myself. They're alive and well in case you were worried. They keep up with me.

An update (you're dreading this, too?):

I'm sticking with The Prime. If you really cared you'd have fainted and I would assure you that I am, and have committed myself to even buying the book, as I'm sure the library would like to share it with other sad people like myself. I have lost ONE MORE POUND...sigh. I might just waste away to nothing at this rate.

But here is what I have been thinking (mature thoughts, very stable - now that I just had a birthday and must act my age):
Slow.
That's what I've been thinking.
In the process of being slow, I can breathe, Pray and listen for that still small voice. I can wait and expect my healing. I can allow myself to be healed.
Maybe this seems simple but for all the bad habits of impulsive erratic behavior I've actually prided myself in, it is very hard for me. This running from one promise to be thin to another has left me nothing but fat and overwhelmed.
Of course, I have had a few weeks to sort this out, taking my time to commit. Go slow, take each phase slowly maybe longer than necessary just to insure that I am NOT going to have to go back and look at this problem ever again!

 I indulged in 2 cups of bullet Proof coffee this afternoon. It was a farewell gulp. I think if rocket fuel could be cupped it would be Bullet Proof coffee.
This, my friends, does not fit in a world of slow i n g  d o w n.

Next week I am to start phase 2 of The Prime. It feels good, bloating is down to a minimum, swelling is down considerably except when I eat chips (then I get really weary -emotionally and physically, and swell up like a puffer fish). That makes sense as one of the hardest things for me to pass up is salty chips or fries! Sugar hasn't had a bad effect -that I know of - HA! And neither is it a problem for me to say no! I am still getting serious headaches every now and then, still puzzling that one out - bread?

Go slow. I believe the God wants me to be in good health. I believe that real healing, unless miraculous happens over time.

December Is Over

It is incredible how much energy is spent towards Christmas. Now it is over and I can begin the rest of my life.
My mind is exploding with thoughts & ideas of things I'd love to do: new endeavors etc. Ready to ditch the old ideas and start new ones....

"Wait a minute here girlie. You ain't going annnny where! There is a sewing room with new unsewn fabric. A little tub of essential oil difuser necklaces you wrapped up several hours in and involved too many people to just drop! Kids who are doing 4-H need direction, kids who think they are quitting school need a pep talk. Hubby's books still aren't in order yet AND since you don't have to bake for the market this winter, I believe I heard you say that you were going to step up to the plate and help in the office more! Huh? right , I thought so. Looking for an online health course is a cool idea, but babe, you don't have time!

"I tell you what. I'll make a deal with you. Get all this other stuff flowing in the right direction, help do what you promised and then the next thing you know all the kids will be out of the house, married bringing home all those grandbabies you've been wanting. You'll be out of debt by then and have really nothing to do not having eight mouths to feed 3 times a day, you know you'll be bored. Then you can write your book and take that online health course, you've always wanted to do. Deal?"

Arrrg. Self, just chill. The evil if the day is sufficient, no? My lust for new must be squelched and subdued...if you saw how much trouble I had in spelling subdued. Sigh.

Ok. Back to earth. It is a great time to get it together I just feeeeeel the energy to burst forth! The full moon was yesterday, maybe that has something to do with it. Anny how I do have practical matters I want to broach approach encroach whatever.

1. Get my workout back underway (whhooohooo feeel the energy!)
2. Explore my iron deficiency 
3. Get my digestive system back in order 
4. Remember those diffuser necklaces - just get them done who cares that they aren't turning out like you thought they would.
5. Get my weightloss program back up and going ~NOW~
6. Keep up the good momentum in the school room
7. Keep blogging - isn't this fun!
8. Get businessES - both of them IN ORDER NOW! 

My we're getting bossy. And that's not all but I can't find my notebook where I already hollered at myself this morning!