So Who Wants To Be A Hermit?

This has been an off and on conversation discussed by Christian and I over our whole marriage.
To be a recluse, to hole back in the mountains somewhere (Idaho, Alaska, Puerto Rico anyone?) with no one in the way or questioning our lifestyle. Welcome hard work, welcome unconventional means of housing. Reject standards set by fear mongers, reject the clock. The whole world be gone!

We've shared this fantasy over and over. Both of our parents practiced this ideal pridefully and passed it along to the next generation. I actually felt like I failed my father because in my married life I could see my neighbors - in his eyes I felt like I let him down and didn't keep proper hermit standards.

I know of recluses that are right in the middle of bustling neighborhoods too, so it must be a personality issue. A personality issue that I struggle within myself and dislike about myself. No matter where, it's the idea of shutting people out for some reason or another.
I don't have any problem with the people who are painfully shy and backward, I'm talking about the people who like to call themselves hermits and are proud of it!

Naturally I have a few (really, girlie, a few?)  choice words to say about this. This self imposed isolation creates selfish and egocentrical behavior. Trust me I'm an authority on this subject. I have spent hours justifying my community minded actions, conjuring up reasons why we still live where we can see our neighbors (actually properly put: where our neighbors can see us), etc. I feel very critical about this mindset, period. Yet I believe everyone should have the right to live the life they please...so where am I ? Especially to criticize?

It was a point of contention and shame growing up: everyone thought my parents had something to hide. I flipped between wanting to just be like everyone else and proud to be different. I was sad that when people got together or needed help, my parents were no where around. When I let go of hoping my parents would fit in, I hung on to my fierce pride: being a solitudinarian as the highest standard. Danged if you do and danged if you don't.

I started out a few weeks ago on the rampage to write this scathing rant against hermitism. Now I just feel sad about it. I feel sad because it has affected my family on both sides. My children are affected as well. No one at this point has any desire to make any sacrifice for them besides myself and their father. I don't even feel like preaching my sermon. I just feel like: good, go hide. Live and let live. I can't justify my criticism, I have no room to speak, and on top of it all maybe I am jealous.

But I want to be part of a community more. I like being part of a team, not just family members. They need me and I need them.
Being a hermit isn't for me and mine, No man is an island...that's my story, in spite of myself.